The nights I can't remember
by cmatty
Summary: Just a little one shot I whipped up for whatever reason. Tris and Tobias are taking their relationship to the next level but then things take a Turn for the worst. Don't hate me for what happens and please check out the poll that is mentioned in my AN at the end. Rated T for one scene that's a little intense.


**The nights I can't remember **

**(Tris:19 Tobias:21, no war, probably a bit OOC)**

"Come on Tris, just a couple more steps," Tobias says as he leads me around blindfolded.

He said it was a surprise so I had to wear a blindfold. Not that I don't already know where we are. The deafening crash of water and heavy mist gave it away almost immediately.

"Tobias, why am I wearing this? I know we're down in the Chasm," I say.

He pulls me really close and leans down right next to my ear. "You just love to ruin my surprises, don't you?" He whispers.

"So does this mean I can take off the blindfold now?"

"Give me a second," he says as he lets go of both my hands.

A second or so later he tells me to take off the blindfold and what I see next takes my breath away. Tobias kneels there with a little black box in hand and in the box is a thin silver ring with a small black stone. It's understated and simple and absolutely perfect.

All I can do is open and close my mouth like a fish because I'm in such shock.

"Tris, I've only known you for three years but, I know that you're the only person I'd want to spend the rest of mine with. Will you, please, marry me?"

All I can do is just stare at him and try to not faint. My jaw is nearly on the floor and for a long time I say nothing.

"Tris, you're kind of freaking me out here," he says, giving me a nervous look.

"Yes," I say finally, a grin nearly splitting my face in half.

Tobias then slips the ring on my finger, stand back up and crashes his lips into mine. I've never been so happy in my life.

* * *

**(One month later)**

I sit on a small stool in the only Dauntless bridal story, wanting to just die right here and now. I'm starting to not even want a wedding just because the planning is torture. Christina, Mar, Lynn and Shauna all come out of their changing rooms to show me their dresses. Either way, I'm so bored right now that I haven't stopped scowling because I'm_miserable_. We're discussing the four different styles when Christina starts grinning like an idiot.

I'm about to ask what she's smiling about when two strong arms wrap around me. This causes me to jump a little bit before I turn around to face Tobias.

"Hey," I greet, about ten times happier than I was a minute ago. He gives me a quick kiss before turning to my bridesmaids.

"Are you guys still deciding on your dresses or can I steal Tris away for a little bit?" He asks.

"Take her away, she's being negative and mean," announces Christina.

"Hey," I protest.

"Four, I don't care if you have to drag her out of here," Lynn yells, "make Tris leave so us bridesmaids can get on with this crap and I can get out of this stupid dress!"

"C'mon Tris," Tobias said as he leads me out of the store.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I say. "All the planning and the _budget_ and everything is driving me insane. I'm cutting corners and prices wherever I can but I don't know if we have all the points to cover everything. Should I maybe start picking up extra shifts at work?"

"Tris, that's actually why I wanted to talk to you. Budget isn't going to be a problem anymore," he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask, worried he's about to tell me that the budget doesn't matter because the wedding is off.

"I took Max up on his offer to be a leader, it almost triples my salary, I don't have to do shift anymore and we get a bigger apartment."

"What? But what about," I pause and look to see if anyone's around. "What about Marcus?" I whisper.

"Tris," Tobias says, cupping my face with his hands. "I don't want you to stress about budget anymore."

"I don't want you to be anywhere near him though."

"I did this for you and for me, I don't want to be afraid anymore and I'm sure I can handle it either way."

"Alright, it was a stupid decision but it's still really sweet of you."

He leans in and kisses me. When he pulls away, our foreheads are still touching.

"I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, Tris."

* * *

**(Two weeks later)**

I'm in the kitchen of our new apartment making myself a cup of hot chocolate when the door slams open and in staggers Tobias. He has to rest a hand on the wall just to be able to stand. Abandoning my mug on the counter, I rush over to Tobias. Today was his first meeting with the other faction leaders which means he had to face Marcus. _Did Marcus do this?!_

"What happened? Are you okay?" I ask all at once.

Tobias opens his mouth to speak and it's struck by the very strong smell of alcohol on his breath. _He's drunk?!_ **(A/N: Bear in mind that, yes, he is drunk and would never do this and don't worry, it might get a little intense but it's no worse than some stuff in the books) **He gives me a very sloppy kiss on my neck before whispering-actually, more like slurring,- "You're sexy when you're worried."

I push him away from me and start to back up towards the bathroom door. Tobias quickly stumbles over to me, trapping me against the wall right beside the bathroom door. He puts a hand right near the bottom hem of my shirt on my hip.

"Why are you still so afraid of sex, Tris?" He slurs, his hand starting to creep up my top.

"It could be fun," he says before he then starts to grope my chest so roughly that I'm sure I'll have bruises and I start to get flash backs to that night at the chasm with Peter.

Tears prick my eyes because of the pain and at the memory even though it was three years ago. "Please stop," I beg, trying to squirm from Tobias' strong grasp.

"No, come to bed, Tris," he whispers against my ear.

I start to hyperventilate and I beg the logical, Erudite side of my brain to take over. Thankfully, it comes up with a plan.

"How can I get to the bedroom if I'm pinned against a wall?" I ask, trying to sound seductive and not terrified and hurt.

This seems to make sense to drunk Tobias because he releases me and as soon as I'm free, I make a mad dash into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. My heart is in my throat, my head is pounding and I can't stop hyperventilating. The tears that were just pricking my eyes start to fall and the next thing I know, I'm sobbing with my back up against the bathroom door.

On the other side, I can hear Tobias yelling at me and telling me to come out. He even kicks the door a few times. Eventually though I hear him pass out. Grabbing some towels from the cupboard beside the sink, I lay down on one and use another as a pillow. Then, I cry myself to sleep.

* * *

**(Four months later)**

That was the first of several times that Tobias came home after a meeting drunk. He didn't remember anything the next morning and apologized profusely about what happened when I told him. He told me that Marcus started harassing him at the meeting and he went to the bar when he got back to calm down a bit. The last thing he remembers is going in and having a couple beers but he tells me that he might have gotten a bit carried away. I forgave him and he promised that it wouldn't happen again.

But it did... At first, it was just the nights when he had faction leader meetings but then he started coming home drunk almost every night. There have been times when he would just come home and pass out but there was one time where he actually punched me. Then he would apologize the next morning, telling me about how he would never do that purposefully. And it's true, he's been the best when it comes to all the wedding planning and all my other stress. He just won't stop drinking...

The wedding is in only one week and I can't even start to count how many times I've thought about breaking the engagement. But, I know that my Tobias is still in there and it's just the alcohol that's doing this. But, either way, he's having a double meeting with all the faction leaders tonight and I'm not going to stay at our apartment. Although I've been spending my nights on the bathroom floor and have been safer, I'm just worried that maybe one night he'll come home and kick the bathroom door down and tonight could be that night. So, I made up an excuse that was good enough for Christina to let me stay with her tonight.

Beside me, Christina is going on and on about the flower arrangements and I just nod every once in a while. We finally get to her apartment and I lay out my sleeping bag on the floor next to her bed. I head towards the bathroom so that I can change into my sweat pants and Tobias' big t-shirt. I'm about to turn and head back into the apartment when I spot a hand print bruise near my elbow. Tugging down the sleeve as far as it will go, I head back out.

Christina and I talk about the wedding a lot more while she mixes together this green goop. She told me that it works really well to clear up any blemishes I may have and it'll help get me look better for the wedding. What she didn't tell me was that she was going to start spreading it on my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Tris, this is how the scrub works."

"But it's cold and smells weird."

"Quit being such a pansycake," Christina complains as she reaches over and once again tries to put it on my face. I lift up my arm in defence and turn my face away from her.

"Tris?"

"I don't care about blemishes or whatever, I don't want that goop on my face."

"How did you get that bruise?"

My eyes snap open and I turn back to her.

"I fell."

"Even if I hadn't been Candor, I'd know you're lying because that's a hand print," she says. "What's going on Tris?"

"I had been practicing my hand to hand combat?"

"Okay, I _was_ Candor so yeah, I can tell you're lying," she says.

"It was an accident, I don't want to talk about it," I tell her.

"Tris-"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

* * *

**(The next night)**

After what happened at Christina's, I decided it was too risky to stay there another night even though she invited me to. I'm in the bedroom right now, looking over some last minute wedding stuff when I hear the door open. _Oh no!_

"Tris?" Tobias calls, but there's not slur. His voice it clear as a bell. "Are you here?"

"I'm in the bedroom," I softly call out.

I hear quick and sure footsteps head towards where I am and then I see Tobias in the doorway. He slowly walks over and sits beside me on the bed.

"So, you didn't leave?" He asks cautiously.

"What are you talking about?"

"I came home last night and a lot of your stuff was gone and you weren't here," he says.

"How would you know, it's not like you remember much of what happens at night anymore," I snap.

I can see in his eyes that what I said hurt him.

"I didn't come home drunk last night," he says, sounding ashamed for all the times that he has.

"But you've been coming home drunk every night and last night you even had a double meeting," I say.

"No, I haven't, you've been spending most of your nights in the bathroom so you just haven't seen me come home sober. I've stopped drinking completely for almost a week, I've just been too much of a coward to say anything until now. But last night, when I thought you had left me, it showed me that I needed to try harder and that's why I'm not staying away right now."

"I wouldn't leave you," I say even though I've thought about it many times.

"You should have," he says. "I hurt you so much."

"I knew that Tobias was still there and I love him too much to leave him," I say. "Are you really done drinking for good?"

"Yes, I won't even look at a beer because I don't want you to ever have to deal with that side of me again."

Tears of joy prick my eyes. "Thank you."

* * *

**(Wedding Day)**

"...I believe that both of you have written your own vows. If you would like to read them then you can do so now," says Max.

"Tobias," I start. "Over the past three years, we've gone from strangers to trainer and initiate to dating and now were going to be husband and wife. I know that both our lives could have turned out much differently if we had made different choices in life. And although we made mistakes along the way and our journey has been everything but smooth, I wouldn't change anything for the world. I love you so much and I promise to stay with you along the difficult journey ahead no matter what," I say, trying hard not to cry.

Tobias gives me a small smile before he starts to read his vows. "Tris, I still can't believe that you looked my way and never did I think you would love me, let alone marry me. Before I met you, I was a mess but, you believed that I could be somebody. I wanted so badly to love you and for things to turn out right but, things just kept going wrong. I can't promise that things will be perfect but I'm sorry for everything wrong I've done and for the nights I can't remember and I promise you that I'll try. You're the one that I fell so hard for that I'm nearly going out of my mind for and I'm going to try for you, Tris. Every day I'll try to be better because I don't want to let you down."

When Tobias finishes his vows, I've been reduced to a puddle of tears.

"Hold back your tears," he whispers. "Things will only get better for us because we're together now and nothing is going to stop that."

**A/N: I was bored so I wrote this random little one shot. Don't hate me for this Anyway, I put up a MF (mutual friend) related poll so please go check it out and vote because the result will determine how the story goes. **


End file.
